#|| vent

Well golly gee, looks like i’m at an impasse here

My heart feels so tired.

Those moments late when you’re alone when everything comes back to haunt you all at once at 4 AM to remind you how you thought you were important to someone, but you’re not.

And the pain returns again. How it sank in slow. As it always does. But it never left. Sadness carries on like an anchor in your heart.

“I’m busy”, “I’m very busy now these days”, “I have nothing I can think to say to you.” Why? Why is there nothing to say to me? Can we not talk about art? characters? something positive? do something fun? Oh. No. I know why. ᴵ’ᵐ ᵃ ᶠᵃᶦˡᵘʳᵉ “You can message if you want”, but you’re busy. I’m afraid I’m bothering you. I try. That’s all I can do. Try. Nothing. It should be obvious. ‘ 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 ‘ ᵃʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᶦˢᵍᵘˢᵗᵉᵈˀ ʷʰʸ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᶦⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘʳˢᵉˡᶠ ᵗᵒ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ˢᵖᵉᵃᵏ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉˀ Why am I stupid. Why do I keep hoping- One of my worst fears rears its head and tore into me that night. Given up on. Again. Remembering the sick feeling that night, having been desperate for a response but meeting none, waiting hours into the night and feeling like I begged for answers but recieved none. I still don't know what you think of me. Where I stand for you. If you think of me at all.             █ █ █ couldn’t sleep. That night, some passed.                        Stopped eating for a while. It was days                                                      There wasn’t any hunger.                                                     Just felt sick.                        You told me                                                                                                    I was sick.